I was born with a sun ray on my head – I came as a Messiah to help change and reshape World around me. My Mom blessed me thousand times and told me how special am I and how brave I’m going to be.
In myself I had all that I ever needed. And by that I don’t mean my hands, legs, body and senses… I talk about Spirit, which didn’t surrender even when my environment was so drastically changing. My spirit, who sees only challenges, not wins and looses again is sitting there and waiting to activate in right moment. What a life is waiting for me…
Mommy why are you yelling on me? Why are you slapping me? Telling me that I’m stupid? Telling me that I don’t deserve better? Why are you telling me I should be average? Why are you not here to back me up?
I taught that life was much simpler than this. I taught that just by acquiring the Spirit, I can do whatever I want… Now I see that living my dream is so difficult. It sometimes scares me, because it’s hard to expect from me, little child, to do everything right. I know my Mom is not doing it on purpose, I know that she is just full of problems like all adults. Nervous because someone made her angry, or asked too much from her.
Still I don’t know why she keeps doing it, what she does if it’s making her angry. When I asked her that, she told me with a laugh on a face that I’m too small to understand.
“Sometimes you wish and dream, but that just doesn’t happen, it is not meant to be for you, but for someone else. Than you need to settle to that what you have, and be happy with it!”
She explained it to me with all her wisdom in a light, like a prophet. What else can I do, but to listen my Mom who is a book of knowledge. Did you knew that my Mom has answers to all my questions, but absolutely all that I ask. How should I not listen to her. I would be stupid not to listen.
As I grew bigger, suddenly all people around me started to talk about impossibilities, about what I can’t do, and what I can. It sounded strange to me that I can’t do absolutely anything, just be the shadow of myself now. I had an resistance at some time, taught in myself, I am myself, to others are impossible, to me is very possible. Why should I stop where they stop…
Concentration was lowering, and others words were stronger and stronger. Soon my affirmation was completely strangled by the negative simple things. I CAN’T…
As I was older, I already got used to the world of ignorance. Hate, greed, pride and not caring bought me into a same mind state with those who’s advice I hated. It got me in same basket with negative thinking and with people promoting it. There is nothing I can do now, I got myself into a magic ring of poor’s. Many times I was unhappy with my unhappiness, but things got so hard that it was better to stay on this level, than to risk falling even lower.
Now old and ready to die, I see my grandchildren and children, seeing them being raised into another world, I hope they won’t make same mistake as I did. I hope their Mom’s will love them more than my Mom loved me.
Oh!!! Mommy, Mommy, why you didn’t like me? Whey you yelled on me, and curse me?
If you could only know how much one word of support would mean to me. If only one curse would be changed for one kind word, my life would been better. Mommy if you at least choose some other life, more happier and safer, you would love me much more. If you only solved all your problems before giving birth to me, you would know that not only feeding is enough for a child.
Mommy look at me now. I’m a ready to die old man weeping for his Mom.
Mommy, Mommy, if you encouraged me once, I would be SUCCESSFUL!
For all Mom’s on World !!!