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This is for you V.


Every man is defined with his place of birth, name and status of family he/she is born in. It is very important in this world we are living in. When you ask someone who is he/she, he/she will tell you his/her name (try it and you will be convinced).

Is that correct answer?

Well, actually who you are is not how someone is calling you. That would mean that we are defined the moment we were born, and we wouldn’t be able to change. We would be nothing more than animals. Just having serial number.

Who we actually are is defined by thoughts that runs thru our heads, words we say, deeds we do, and Heart which chooses which path to guide us.

Thinking thoughts leads to speaking words which leads to making deeds (manifesting your inner state outside) and by all that in same time choosing your desires and wishes in your Heart (we are often not consciously picking our Hearts desires).

Thinking is start of all. Imagine how much positive thinking would benefit to someone who wants to make a suicide…

I saw once a man throwing himself from a building while I was sitting in a coffee shop… And I remember when all that ended, and sadly man took his life by his own hand (better say jump), I remember the sadness that overwhelmed me. That’s first time I thought of importance of acting according to thought. I was so much sorry I couldn’t cheer him up, or do whatever to buy him some time to sleep over it and think it again other day. I was strongly convinced he wouldn’t kill himself some other day…

Now imagine all the people suffering in jail (no matter what they did), in many kinds of mental clinics, those unhappy, bad, filthy, sick, crippled and any kind of others with mental and sometimes even physical deformations… If someone told them how to think, would they be the same, and do the same things?

I must say strong NO. And here is why…

While watching my surrounding, and listening to people in it, many different characters took right place, as I could see them in real light.

My good friend was a thief (I always looked the character and kindness of people over their job). He was stucked in a film where he was tough, strong man who others should be afraid of. He should be respected and no one should oppose him in argument. Often he would achieve that, but not by his intellect (although he wasn’t stupid at all) but with his strength.

Once when I was talking to him I realized that not so different film was also in my head running when I was lot younger. I wanted to be just like in movies, strong independent and cold beyond all measures. I wanted to be “the man” in charge everywhere I show up.

My film disappeared by finding interests in other things and topics. I found out that this is not what matters… I shouldn’t be strong savage, I should be fine human, with understanding, my thoughts I’m comfortable with and my deeds I will benefit or suffer from.

I visited him few days ago, and he said to me he won a fist fight against someone stronger and with more credibility, or pride, or I don’t know what… He kept telling me how much he was happy when he defended his pride.

Which pride?

You defended your pride with a fight, tell me than how do you defend it when you have a broomstick in your arms and working for nothing?

How will you defend your pride when they put prison clothes on you, tattooing your body with sign of bad, wild animal?

Will you tell to your parents, relatives, friends how you keep defending your pride with silly clothes and funny caps, holding a broomstick in hands and shown behind bars like attraction… Will you defend your honor 2 hours a day when you are on walk? Will you send a picture of that?

Imagine… What would happen to him if he had a society which kept telling him how wrong is that and which are real values in life.

What would happen if someone stopped his talk and said to him 1000 times what he should aim in his life.

Imagine how he would benefit to all of us with his ideas and dreams, only if there was someone… enough interested in him…

 

To my good friend V.

Hope I will see you soon on the other side of bars.

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Who am I?


What is it that makes me me?

Is it a pile of habits, words that comes out of my mouth?

Maybe actions I’m making?

Am I just a machine who runs on blood and food instead of electricity and fuel?

Is my consciousness something what matters?

Why am I here, and why am I searching all those answers, when easier is to stay quiet and do what they told me to do…

Why am I here torturing myself trying to struggle… Not to live, but to struggle…

Are we all born the same? Or there are differences that makes others successful and me… The way I am… ??

 

Every time I close my eyes, same questions pops out, always the same…

It is just between the thoughts when I can get rest…

Between them in a fracture of a second I feel the blessing from everywhere, bliss and clarity…

That fraction of a second is freedom, and happiness.

Warmth in body spreading, and making me whole, making me superhuman…

Too bad it doesn’t last for a longer, because I would be living there…

And just as it passes away, I say once more, for the last time, like always,

I will make it this time… I will give peace to myself, and let go of all that defined me…

But the circus is still in the town, and the truth just took a free time…

 

It looks like I’m not meant to be a superhuman… Just another average human, struggling to survive and waiting to rest…

Just like many others… Many, many others.

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